seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
