If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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