Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
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This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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