how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
