no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
