So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
