Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
