sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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