I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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