Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
