The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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