Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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