I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
