if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
