ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
