Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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