I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
