just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
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and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woke up backwards on a recliner
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You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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