You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
