If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
