Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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