just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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