btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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