Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
