just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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