I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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