but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
