I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
