I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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