I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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