sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
