Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
