my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
