Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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