I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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