i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
