Everything about him screamed your future.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
