I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She bit a glass in half.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
