she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
