can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
