At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
