I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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