you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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