haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
