this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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