I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
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New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize