You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
