so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
