i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
