I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
