party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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