Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
