no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just found puke in my bra..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
