My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
