blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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