Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
