and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
