i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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