I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
