dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
