What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
