I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
