do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
