Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize