party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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