happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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