Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
