so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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