You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
