Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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