yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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