An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
