So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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