Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
