We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
